What to Get Someone Who Says They Don't Want Anything

I like buying presents, and I have come to believe that almost everybody likes receiving them, even the people who insist they do not. A gift is a sign that somebody thought about you, and nobody is really against that.

I have several people in my life who never want anything, and my dad is the best example of it. Anniversary, birthday, Christmas, it makes no difference: he says he does not need anything, and he means it in a way that is genuinely hard to argue with. Buying for him every year is where almost everything below came from.

What does “I don’t want anything” actually mean?

It means different things depending on who is saying it. With a parent it is most often that they cannot justify spending the money on themselves. With other people it is that they do not want another object in the house, or that they are not asking for a thing at all and want you to want to.

The situation dictates the gift, which is why a single list of ideas never works for everybody. There is also one gift that is personalized to whoever is getting it and works across all three, and I will come to that further down.

The middle one is worth explaining, because it is the only one that is not an object. LovedPage lets you build a personalized page for somebody you care about - your father, your mother, a friend whose birthday it is, somebody at work. You pick from a set of components and they build the page up between them. It is genuinely easy to put together, and in my experience everybody has liked getting one, mostly because it is the kind of thing people keep rather than use up.

How do you tell which one they mean?

Listen to them, then ask the question that gets around the filter. I asked my dad what he would get if the money did not count, and the answer came back immediately. That version of the question moves it off what is reasonable, which is exactly the filter that produced “nothing” in the first place.

People answer it with startling speed, because they have usually been quietly wanting the same thing for years. One man described the shape of those answers well: “Something a little more reasonable but also ridiculous. Not like a car or land, more like a $100 blanket, rare plant, or set of sick knives.”

The second tell is tone and detail. If you listen closely enough when somebody talks about something they like, I am fairly sure you will get there, and I am fairly sure everybody wants something. The gift lands much harder that way too, because it shows you were paying attention rather than shopping.

How do I know any of this?

What I write here is my own experience, or the experience of friends and people close to me. I have spent a lot of time reading about what people were actually given and what they still have, and a fair amount of my own life experimenting on the ones who say they want nothing.

What I go by is what somebody still has two years later, and what they bring up unprompted. Not what anybody declares is the best gift for them.

What do you buy someone who has everything?

The thing they have wanted for years and cannot spend the money on. People who “have everything” almost always have a short, stable list of small luxuries they have declined to buy, and they will tell you the item and the reason in the same sentence if you ask the right question.

One man put the pattern exactly: “I like little luxury stuff that I like/love, but usually refrain from buying, because I don’t need them per se.” Another was more specific, and the reason is the part worth reading twice: “I really want the lego hogwarts… with two young children its hard to justify the cost. Any spare money at the end of the month we are putting to one side in the hopes of taking the kids away on their first holiday next year… i cant imaging spending that amount on myself!”

He is not refusing the thing. He is refusing to be the person who bought it for himself. That is what a gift is for, and it is the one purchase he cannot make on his own behalf.

The formula, if you want one. Somebody who gives well every year described it as: “something useful, something they wouldn’t splurge on themselves and something that doesn’t turn into clutter. That formula hasn’t let me down yet.” All three conditions matter. Drop the last one and you have bought somebody an object to find a home for.

What are some unique gifts for someone who has everything?

The ones that cannot be bought, only assembled. Past a certain amount of money the objects stop meaning anything, and what is left is the stuff no budget can order: time, memories, and evidence that somebody went to trouble on your behalf.

Asked what to get a man with a private plane, a house and every object he could want, the most-agreed answer was: “A nice card, expressing your appreciation of the friendship.” Another in the same direction: “Something trivial & low value but personal and that reminds you both of old times. Even if it’s just a photo. Once you’ve got that much money the only thing you need are experiences & memories.”

The best one I have seen anybody actually do was assembled rather than bought. One man described what his girlfriend made him: “a box of cards from all my friends recounting their favorite moments and what they love about me as a friend. I can’t get through like 2 of them without crying. For someone who has ‘everything’ this will definitely hit home.”

That is the gift I would pick out of everything on this page. It costs postage and a few weeks of quietly messaging people, and there is no version of it available to buy.

What do you get a woman who has everything?

Broadly the same principles apply. When a woman says she does not want anything and that you do not have to get her something, it usually means “please do not feel obligated” rather than “do not mark this at all” - which is a different sentence, and a much easier one to answer.

So instead of a conventional gift, go at it with something she will remember, or a gesture that shows you thought about her specifically. That is why a personalized page is one of the best things you can give her: it holds several gifts at once. It is an experience you go through together, it is personal, it is a surprise, it carries a message you actually mean, and it will usually make her laugh somewhere in the middle. You can build one from the home page, free to build and preview before you decide anything.

The reason this one keeps working is that it holds up whether or not the person has money. It is something to remember, and it does not really arrive with a price tag attached.

What do you get someone who says don’t get me anything for my birthday?

Take them at their word about objects, and not about the day. Ask people what they want after they have said they want nothing and the same three things come back: food they actually like, something sweet, and hours with nothing required of them. It is unglamorous, and it is what they say.

The instruction underneath all of it is restraint: “Don’t fuss over it…just say Happy Birthday… maybe a card or a thoughtful gift/act and that’s it.” One card, one thing, and then leave them alone about it. The urge to add more is usually yours rather than theirs.

What do you get a dad who does everything for everyone?

A day with no obligations in it, and control of how it goes. Fathers asked this question answer with some version of the same afternoon - the people he likes, at home, nothing scheduled - and the thing that reliably ruins it is turning his day into an event that he then has to host.

What that looks like in his own words: “BBQ at home with the family. Really just no pressure time with the people I love. I also get to pick the music.” Another put the whole ask even more simply: “Just an entire day to do whatever I want to do. Even if its nap all day.”

And the way it goes wrong, which I find genuinely painful to read: “Oh you mean like father’s day when the whole extended family was invited over my house? Like the complete opposite of what I would want for father’s day?”

If you want to hand it over rather than just letting a Sunday happen, say it out loud in advance - one man’s advice was to “make a point sometimes of telling him he can just have the day to relax and don’t make him do anything in particular.” Announced, it is a gift. Unannounced, it is a Sunday.

What do you give a grandparent who says they want nothing?

Your time, and something with the family inside it. Parents and grandparents who say they want nothing are usually the most literal group saying it - they genuinely do not want more objects in a house they are trying to have fewer objects in - and what they want instead is to see you.

The correction that matters, from somebody who had been on the receiving end of the well-meant version: “what means most to me is time with my grown children… If you go the manicure/massage route, go WITH her.” Booking somebody an experience and sending them to it alone is a common and entirely avoidable miss.

The object that does work for this group is the one that carries other people into the house: “skylight digital frames too that you can send her pictures to.” It is the rare gift that keeps arriving after you have given it.

What if they actually mean it?

Then believe them, and give something that disappears. Consumables never join the pile: food, drink, something homemade with a short shelf life. They carry the whole signal of a gift and leave no object behind, which is exactly what was asked for.

One man’s version of the rule: “The other cheat: consumables. Flowers, cookies, things with a short shelf life that don’t linger. Neither of us need another coffee cup or wallet.” Another was blunter about where to put the effort: “adults already have the things they want unless they’re crazy expensive. Don’t buy them crap they don’t want. Just make them some jam or beer or pickles or frozen pies or whatever they like.”

The one thing not to do is decide they were lying. People name this directly as the move that irritates them most, and the phrasing is exact: “By listening to what he says he wants. Too often, the partner’s reaction is ‘you don’t really mean that so I planned something’ (you don’t want to do).”

What I got wrong

I stopped. For a stretch of years I took my dad completely at his word and got him nothing at all, and I told myself that was respect. It was not. He had said he did not need anything, which was true and still is, and I had heard it as do not mark this, which is a different sentence.

Nothing is the other way to get this wrong, and it is the quieter one, because from the outside it never looks like a mistake at all. I am fairly sure almost everybody cares, including the people who say most firmly that they do not. Believe them about the object. Do not believe them about the occasion.

How much should you spend on someone who wants nothing?

Less than you are thinking, on something more specific than you are thinking. Almost every gift people describe still having is cheap and exactly right rather than expensive and approximately right, and the expensive near-miss is the one outcome that makes everybody uncomfortable.

If there is a real budget and you want to spend it, spend it on one evening rather than one object. That is what the people who enjoy these occasions tend to do: “I refuse to buy flowers and candy and silly stuff like that. Instead we go somewhere nice and we go all out. The best food. The best drinks. The best date we’ve had all year.”

And if there is no budget at all, the two free options are the strongest on this page: write something specific down, or give somebody a day. Neither costs anything and both outlast the object you were going to buy instead.

What do you give when the gift is words?

Somewhere they survive being read once. A text is buried by Thursday, and a card gets read, moved twice and put in a drawer - which is the whole trouble with the third of those three meanings: the words are right and the container is wrong. That is the part I work on.

A LovedPage is a private page at its own address holding what you would struggle to say in one sitting: a jar of reasons, letters for the bad weeks, the photographs with something written under each one, the quiz nobody else would pass. You answer questions and it builds the page; it takes twenty or thirty minutes, and it needs no technical knowledge because you are choosing what goes in rather than making anything. When it is done you print a card with the page’s QR code on it, so what you hand over is an object after all - just one with nothing in it anybody has to find a use for.

It is the closest thing I know to the box of cards, which remains the best gift on this page and takes weeks and a lot of chasing your friends.

Build yours free

The short version

“I don’t want anything” is three sentences. Ask what they would want if money did not count, and they will tell you which one they are saying. If they want no objects, give them a day with nothing in it and food they like. If they cannot justify it, buy the thing they have been quietly wanting for years. If they want to know you wanted to, write it down.

Spend less and aim more precisely, because the expensive near-miss is the only genuinely bad outcome. And if the person in question is your boyfriend and you want a lower-stakes place to practice all of this, National Boyfriend Day is a better excuse than his birthday, because nothing at all is expected of you.

Questions people ask

What do you get someone who says they don't want anything?

Work out which of three things they mean first. Either they do not want another object, or they want something they cannot justify buying themselves, or they want to know you wanted to do something. Those take completely different gifts, which is why guessing wrong is so common.

What do you buy someone who has everything?

The thing they have wanted for years and will not spend the money on. People who have everything usually keep a short, stable list of small luxuries they have declined to buy, and they will tell you the item and the reason in the same sentence if you ask what they would want if money did not count.

What are some meaningful gifts for someone who doesn't want anything?

Anything that is not an object they then have to find room for. A day with nothing required of them, food they actually like, an experience you go to with them, or something written down they can read again years later. All four are remembered longer than things that cost more.

What are some unique gifts for someone who has everything?

The ones that cannot be bought, only assembled. A box of cards from all their friends, a page made out of your own photographs and words, or an afternoon built exactly the way they would have built it. Past a certain point the only things left to give are experiences and memories.

What is a good personalized gift for someone who has everything?

Something made out of them rather than bought for them. A personalized digital page holding your photographs, the running joke nobody else would get and the things you have never quite said is the rare gift with no equivalent in a store and nothing to find a shelf for.

Should you believe someone who says they want nothing?

Believe the words and check the tone. Deciding they cannot have meant it and planning something else anyway is the single most reliably resented move. If they are quiet about it rather than insistent, they probably want to be thought about rather than organized.

What do you get a dad who does everything for everyone?

Time with no obligations attached, and control of how it goes. Fathers asked this question answer with some version of the same day - the people he likes, at home, nothing scheduled, and he picks the music. What ruins it is turning his day into an event he then has to host.

How much should you spend on someone who wants nothing?

Less than you think, on something more specific than you think. The gifts people describe still having are almost always cheap and exactly right rather than expensive and approximately right. An expensive near-miss is the worse of the two outcomes.